This post is long overdue but is still very raw. My beautiful dog, Sammy, passed away back in November 2024. I have not wanted to share much about this experience because it brings so much sadness and tears that I find it hard still on a daily basis. I miss his sweet smile, his cute barks, his wagging tail… just his wonderful spirit. However, I do find some comfort in knowing he is reunited with his son, Frankie. (I’ve written about Frankie in a previous post. I said goodbye to him in 2022).

I will likely, at some point. write more about Sammy in the future, but for today it seemed appropriate to use this as a gentle nudge to move forward. I will soon be starting to do in-person readings and since I am updating my website for that, I feel it is only right to take a moment to honour Sammy.

Sammy would have been 15 years old in two weeks. Unfortunately, his little body just couldn’t handle the effects of his ongoing conditions with tracheal collapse. He had been struggling for a couple years with different symptoms. I tried taking him to different vets and eventually did an x-ray on his throat which showed very clearly how difficult his breathing had become. I tried medications and attempted a new diet. But Sammy was Sammy! He liked what he liked and made it clear what he didn’t. Two weeks after his x-ray, it was time to say goodbye and let him go. There was a night before this that Sammy had an incredibly hard time breathing so I stayed up with him the whole night trying to help him breathe more easily. This was a the night after he had his x-ray and had been giving strong medications so they could do the test. (I had called a couple of emergency clinics and because his breathing appeared to be getting a little better, we decided (with the direction of these clinics). to wait until morning to see his regular vet). Sammy was put on “medical management” and giving medications, and eye drops, reduced walking, trialling weight management food, and other remedies to help with his ageing body.

After many discussions with friends and family, Sammy’s dog sitter (who used to be a vet technician), as well as one beautiful soul at his regular pet food store, the incredibly gut-wrenching decision was made. I did not want to say goodbye. I did not want to let him go. I still don’t. However, his age and once happy self was fading very quickly. I took him to another emergency vet and had two separate conversations over a one-week period to figure out what his best options were, if any. No one wanted Sammy to have a real emergency situation where his breathing became really impaired and rush him in to only say goodbye during a panic. I also didn’t want to try and continue him on meds and lose more of himself in the process. Also knowing that Christmas was coming the following month, which meant visiting family and having to leave Sammy with a sitter (he wouldn’t have handled the car ride). I just knew I would need time between losing my sweet companion and participating in any holiday festivities. I found a date that worked for me and my support person (Sammy’s second person). We requested the one emergency vet that was the most helpful and most supportive with this decision and process to be the one who gave him his final medication.

We were with Sammy. We were brought into a quiet room with a couch and peaceful setting. Sammy was put in my lap and we laid a Dragonball t-shirt over him. We knew once the calming medication was given that Sammy really was saying it was “his time”. (His tongue started going blue so the vet had to act quickly so he didn’t experience any pain or struggle catching his breath). I held him as long as I could after his soul separated from his little body. When we were ready we called in staff and they carried him away. We went out a back door.

Losing Sammy has been one the hardest experiences in my entire life! But I am forever grateful for the people who took the time to say goodbye to him a day or two before we did (either by phone or in person). My beautiful neighbour and social media manager, Amber, came over and we did a little “fashion show”, trying Sammy in some of his/ Our favourite outfits. We gave him all the doggy meatballs he wanted! Those were his favourite things to eat in his last month. Loved watching the way he ate!!

After we left the vet clinic that day, we didn’t want to go home to an empty house. So we did what worked for us and distracted ourselves with the mall and taking in the start of the Christmas season.

I couldn’t sleep in my own bed for about a week. We took a mattress and had like a “slumber party” set up in the living room. I kept Sammy’s bed pillow near me. I was given a Pug Squishmallow pillow to hug. These things were helpful and kept Sammy’s energy close.

I still find going in the backyard to be difficult, but am hoping to take little breaks throughout the coming weeks to just go be out there for a few minutes at a time. (I will most likely ask Amber to have her gorgeous dog, Shiloh, to come over and bring some life and laughs back into that space).

There is so much more I could write about Sammy… but I will leave that for another day. My apologies for anyone reading this and causing strong/sad emotions. Thank you for reading this and allowing me the space to share my story and a chance to speak about my boy. He was way more than “just a dog”. He was my baby, He will always be a part of me. Frankie (his son), was such a character and I loved him dearly. I picture him eventually being reincarnated and becoming another family’s loyal dog and friend. (For some reason I keep picturing him playing with a young boy and getting to be silly and run around together). For Sammy, for now, I see him being an angel on my shoulder and keeping an eye over me.

I know my boys are together and I know Frankie helped Sammy when it was time to cross the rainbow bridge. I know together they will help others. For now I will keep their pictures close and their memories held tightly to my chest.

I have included a photo of Sammy but there are so many more I could share!! I do know the struggle of losing a piece of yourself when lose someone that was with you everyday. There have been little things I did to ease the pain … to lighten the tears… I wrote a letter to both Sammy and Frankie and tucked it with Sammy’s pillow. When it came time to let go of the pillow the letters went with it. (This is similar to when people write a letter for someone to be buried with- as a way to leave a message). Maybe that’s all this is… I’ve called for Frankie and Sammy but they are not there… I simply have to leave a message. And one day, they will answer, and I will speak to them again. Until then, I will continue to leave messages and play a game of phone tag.

Thank you for all that you taught me Sammy. Thank you for all of your patience, all your love. All your beautiful moments.

With all my love, always and forever. I love you and Miss you.

Your momma.

-Brandy Marie