This past week I’ve been reflecting on what it means to be assertive and how to go about it. I also watched a very funny episode of South Park where the kids in it were showing the discrepancies in work ethics, some wanting to just do their jobs, and others wanting time off and vacation pay and all these benefits without actually doing any of the work. It made for a rather entertaining episode!! The point of all of this? Well it got me thinking and wondering how when we are little we are taught to be good, quiet children and do as we are told. Now more and more I am finding kids are being given the advice to stand up for themselves, to speak their minds, and to trust and listen to their own bodies. I think this is very important! I find this all rather fascinating because it does make me wonder… when is a situation just an opportunity to express yourself and be assertive, and when is it being considered “lazy” or being “difficult”?

You might be asking yourself, “How is all of this playing together?” Or simply thinking and saying to yourself, “huh?!” … to which I would say… okay, let me back up! As I’ve shared before I am on disability benefits and with that comes the requirement that I keep disability informed about my health and provide any updates. Fair enough, I get that and respect that! Where I have a hard time with it (as do many of my friends who have experienced the “fun” journey of disability), is when it comes to being asked to trial medications upon medications upon medications! We are a society where in theory we have the right to say no, the right to decline being forced to take something that we feel negatively impacts our bodies and/or have religious or spiritual beliefs against. However, when it comes to the disability game… you don’t really have a choice. You have to show, to prove, to get other professionals to advocate on your behalf whether or not it is an acceptable request for you to take medications and which ones. Anyone who has experienced physical pain and/or mental health issues knows very well first-hand how different medications can interact with the body. Some medications do just fine. No problem, or very little side effects and therefore the benefits outweigh any potential negativity that could come from them so okay you continue taking them until “all better”, or for as long as needed. Whereas other medications cause such bad side effects that either the perceived benefits don’t matter, or there simply aren’t any, then it is decided to discontinue using that medication. The problem I find is how to tell when it is appropriate to say enough is enough and no more, please and thank you. This brings back the whole be assertive versus aggressive (or “just being difficult”) argument.

In my previous work as a social worker, I found the need to communicate assertively was important, although at times very hard to do. I had clients, clients’ families, doctors, nurses and other colleagues to contend with when asked how to approach a client’s situation and how to help the client. Not everyone was on the same page. I had to be an advocate for the client, while also dancing the fine line to not upset the other people involved in that case. Not always an easy task! It is tricky enough to be an advocate for someone else, but when it comes to being clear and assertive for your own needs, wants and goals, that can get tiresome and overwhelming very quickly.

I have also had recent experiences with friends where they have been “wronged” in some way from a company or business. It is one thing to go and complain to another friend about the situation, however it is entirely different to go back to the owner or manager of a company and express your disappointment and ask for what you want to negotiate something better. For example, just a silly piece of information, I recently ordered a powdered blush from a makeup company online. When it came it was completely shattered! I immediately emailed the company with pictures and expressed how saddened I was and was requesting a replacement blush. It took over two weeks, and emailing with two different people with that company in order to get a replacement blush sent out. They had concerns that another powder blush would still come broken so offered me a cream blush instead. I was agreeable but was still very frustrated with the process of getting this blush and refused being charged an additional shipping fee. In the end, I didn’t have to pay anything extra, and because I wrote my emails in an assertive, not aggressive manner, I got two new cream blushes!! So minor yay/win for me!! ;0)

The point I am trying to make here is sometimes it is important to stand up for yourself or someone else. To express your opinions and feelings and ask something from another person. However, not everything is a “black or white” situation. I have learned to live a lot in the “grey” areas… people fluctuate and so do situations. Before approaching the person you are having a conflict or disagreement with, sometimes you have to decide what the desired outcome is first. I have included some images and short videos below that I came across in regards to different styles of communication: passive, assertive and aggressive. As usual these are just starting points. (I am not promoting any doctor, practitioner, or company, these are strictly meant for visual examples). This may even start a conversation, to get you to think of how you would have approached an old scenario differently, or perhaps help you with a current one. Either way these are just little suggestions and ideas, by no means do you have to follow any of these!!

I hope these videos help… and I am sending lots of hugs and hope for a good weekend for all! Take care and will “chat” next week! :0)

-Brandy Marie

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