Colours as Emotions (& other random thoughts)

(original journal entry: May 20, 2019)

Trying to come up with a name for a potential blog, I tried to think of how I experienced my anxiety. I couldn’t give it a name, but I could picture it as big, bright fireworks. The more anxious I get, the more colours start popping! (Think of old school Pop Rocks candy. The more you eat, the more crackling happens). This is what anxiety is to me. I can feel it start small and quiet at first, but once I feel out of control it is like bright flames shooting out of me. I can’t quiet it anymore and panic starts to set in. Have you ever experienced being stuck in traffic and watching your gas gauge go down? Well I have, and let me tell you it is not a fun time! Traffic was moving so slowly and I felt trapped with all these cars around me. My breathing became heavy and when I exhaled I would purse my lips together and try to exhale slowly. I managed to switch lanes so I could keep moving forward and get to an exit quicker. I started to say out loud, “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine”. However, I wasn’t fine. I felt like the car in front of me was breaking on purpose just to upset me, and the more I saw those red brake lights, the more I felt my heart sink and my fears creeping up. I was swearing, sweating and starting to get teary. I just wanted to make it to the next gas station. (It turned out that it was me seeing the gas gauge moving up and down from the go-and-stop traffic, not that I was actually running out of gas! But in that moment I was having thoughts of being stuck in the middle of 3 lanes, not moving and not being able to get to where I needed to be).

If you have anxiety, you know what I mean when I describe this uncontrollable energy of panic and irrational thoughts. Once it is over you feel so drained and all you can think about is taking a nap, or at least I do. Anxiety is very exhausting! It comes in many forms and likes to manifest itself as a little a**hole gremlin that won’t leave the party after midnight. You just want it to go away and it’s being stubborn and doesn’t care to listen to you.

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(2023 update… continuation from above post)

Another way we can experience these “colours” is with our guides and them wanting to encourage us to go in one direction or another. One example is if trying to decide if a job is right for us or not, they will show us colours. You just have to ask them! I do believe we all have spirit guides (even fairies) that want us to go and explore. However, the guides don’t usually step in unless we ask them to. Fairies I find are a little different! If you happen to feel someone tugging or playing with your hair (or you’re wanting to), then typically it’s fairy energy nearby. Fairies are great because they encourage us to go and check out the natural world around us. They also are known for wanting to have fun! So with the hair thing… it’s to show their playful side, and in turn encouraging you to express yours! ;0)

This blog is dedicated to everyone I know and love who experiences anxiety. They are wonderfully strong-willed people. They are not weird or strange over-reactors that need to “calm down” or “suck it up”. Anxiety can be a battle or it can be something that we learn about and grow from to become even stronger and more amazing people. No matter how you live with your anxiety or choose to treat it, it never fully goes away. This blog is meant to be a sounding board, a platform if you will, for discussing openly what “colours” anxiety takes on, so we can hopefully better understand it and manage it. My goal is to teach people what I have learned through conversations with friends, family, co-workers, doctors and counsellors, about what anxiety looks like and how to cope better when it becomes overwhelming.

This blog is a bit of a therapy tool for me and I hope together we can create an honest and non-judgemental community of support. I enjoy sharing my adventures with anxiety (and spirituality, and really anything and everything in between…), because it helps me take away the shame I can feel from deeply hidden beliefs that I am somehow weak because of it. I want to take back control of my life and feel more free to laugh it off when my colours of anxiety become too bright and blinding.

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COLOURS AS EMOTIONS

Some of my posts may be seem sad at times, but I do plan to inject humour when it is appropriate. I am sharing a piece of myself with you, so I ask that you be kind with me. In the private readings I offer, I do find people are very open with me and can share a lot of personal stories and feelings… so this is my way of giving back. Also, there have been times during a reading when whatever someone is sharing, and I comment along the lines of “I understand, trust me”. I really do mean those words!! I have been through car accidents, a divorce, I had an alcoholic father, I’ve had to put down one of my dogs last fall… I’ve been on government assistant programs when I was not able to work… I’ve lived in Ontario and “shared” a place with literal rats!… I’ve worked with some amazing co-workers and some not-so-amazing managers.. I’ve lived an interesting life up to this point! I’ve joked in the past with friends that I should have my own TLC show because some people would not believe some of the things I have experienced! But those things, those events, have made me who I am… and I do believe part of the reason I have been having so many headaches this week and heightened anxiety is because my guides are pushing me to get these posts out there. So I am trying to listen and trust this process, even if it isn’t always an easy one.

Thank you for accompanying me on this journey. I do hope you stick with me for future posts. For now, take care and have some fun! Either take a nap or have a big piece of cake. Whatever you choose, let YOU decide, not that a**hole anxiety gremlin! ;0)

Below I have included some colours and how they reflect an emotion to me. This is also how you can connect when trying to express your emotional state to someone, and/or how you can communicate with your guides (like if you should go closer to a person or situation, or maybe just stay back). Of course, please feel free to adjust to your colour preferences and feelings that come up when looking at any particular colour… this is just my colour sheet. :0)