(Original journal entry Jan 2021)

With the beginning of the new year, many people are cheering that 2020 has (finally) come to an end. Not surprising considering the pandemic and not being able to celebrate the way we would normally enjoy. Even with all the unknowns people have done an incredible job staying connected with each other and “seeing” family and friends over Zoom meetings. Go technology! I do have to applaud those who have kept their optimism up and encourage others to do the same. My hope is that one thing that comes out from the past year is better understanding and appreciation for mental health. There is nothing funny about feeling so overwhelmed with job loss or family breakdowns that people are feeling pushed to the edge. There needs to be more funding put into the health care system… and yes, mental health is health! The physical body is important and we should all do what we can to keep the body functioning as optimally as possible. However I would tend to argue that one’s mental state rules the body more so than the other way around. So for this reason, I think whatever we can do to lift each other up and cheer each other on over the next year is highly encouraged! One way many of us enjoy celebrations is through sharing food, so today’s post will revolve around that idea.

    Have you ever gone to buffet or to an all-you-can-eat meal before? Do you find your eyes are typically bigger than your stomach? This is how I am picturing anxiety today. Some people enter the dining area already set on what they want to grab the most of (example: dumplings). Whereas another, like myself, is more focused on the variety of delicious desserts. And then there’s another group that is solely focused on getting as much as they can possibly eat, the “bang for you buck crew”. So you may be asking yourself, okay so what? Well here’s my random train of thought… if you were to enter a room of professionals wanting to offer their support and guidance with your particular type of anxiety, which would you approach? Would you want the most expensive? Or would you want to circle the room and have a chance to sit with each professional at least a couple of times? Or would you want to zone in to a couple that really catch your eye? Also, I should point out here that whichever choice you go for it all costs the same in the end. Now, does that make your decision any different, or any harder? 

    What if we take the same comparison, but look at the buffet as life in general. Would you want to enter your life path with the expectation to only go for “the best” jobs, cars, houses, partners… whatever you want out of life, only the “finest” (and most expensive) will do. Or would you want to take a small piece out of life (1 plate of a balanced meal from the buffet) and then really enjoy 2-3 of the sweetest, most delectable desserts you crave (whether this be a wonderful moment spent laughing with your best friend, or walking your dog, or hugging and kissing your partner). You pick your “sweet” moments, but you sit and enjoy it, saying “mmmmm” along the way. Then of course there is the third option with life. What if you need to fill your plate at least 2 times, trying to fit in as much “life” and adventure as possible? Whichever you choose is your right, but the point here is if you were presented the opportunity to enter your “life room” and pick your path, would anxiety (the turned egg salad or under cooked chicken) be part of your dinner plate? I am going to go out on a limb and assume not! (Sorry was trying to think of gross foods no one would want to pick!) So then, how do you continue to enjoy this lovely gift of life while still making sure you don’t accidentally eat something that’s gone bad? This is where anxiety is a sneaky, sometimes silent culprit. It’s a lot of “what-ifs” when choosing from the buffet. You want to make sure you get your money worth, of course, but you also want to enjoy your food. Furthermore, you might not want to make yourself so sick by eating way more than your poor tummy can handle. So it is a fine balance between enjoyment and future regret. No matter how much you try to plan it out there is no guarantee the food you pick will absolutely be delicious, or that the sizes of desert pieces will be worth breaking your diet for that week. The best you can do is pick with your senses and truly hope for the best. 

    Life is very much like this too. It’s the whole “life is like a box of chocolates” analogy. You have no guarantees and have to leave a certain amount of the outcome to sheer hope and luck. This is how I am choosing to see the new year. The past year was extremely difficult for many, while others have been able to stay buoyant. Whatever your situation is I can only see us all feeling a little lighter, more hopeful and laughing more come 2021. There is this sense of anticipation. One of the best lines from the show Schitt’s Creek comes to mind, where Moira (played by Catherine O’Hara) says to her family that “worry is undernourished excitement“. I think this is brilliant! We can either choose to see the coming year with lots of hesitation and stress, or turn that energy into anticipation and excitement for new beginnings. This also makes me think of a growing plant. (Yup, my mind is clearly all over the place… but follow with me…) You can water and nurture this plant and wait for it to grow. But would you want to do this with poison ivy (in this case comparison is anxiety), or would you want a beautiful orchid to grow in its place (the orchid being happiness and joy). The choice is always up to you, and lord knows we all have both plants growing every single day, but I really would rather see more orchids than poison ivy!

Ok well there you go… apparently 2021 energies are coming into effect with me, haha! And I am slightly all over the map with this, sorry about that. Bringing this back to my original thoughts though… we cannot stop life from happening, but we can certainly choose to view it as something happening “to us” or “for us”. The greatest gift we are given is our mind and our capacity to change perspective any time we want. Best of all, that doesn’t cost a thing! Even smiling for 1 second can change your internal compass to something more positive. All I am asking is to give yourself permission to smile, to laugh, to send a virtual hug whenever you can. You will always have the chance to go back into that buffet room and pick again. If today you chose something that didn’t taste as good as you had hoped, or maybe overdid it on too many sweets, that’s okay! Pick yourself up the next day and go back in. We are all meant to experience ups and downs. That is life. The scary part would be to not wake up one day and feel alive. Even when anxiety is bad it is still there to let us know we are human. There is nothing wrong with feeling that anxious wave and living through that experience so we can walk into the sunshine later. As a collective we need to remember that there will be moments so intense it seems almost impossible to step out of them. That is why I encourage you, whenever you are feeling okay and on an upswing of happier emotions, please share and reach out to someone. Send a hug, a joke, a thumbs-up. Whatever you think will make them smile. Let them know there is hope for the future and things can get easier. It is okay to accept help and to not be embarrassed for being human. 

So cheers to you, your family and friends.

Take care,

Brandy Marie